We're talking real Old Testament stuff. Real wrath of God. Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling. Forty years of darkness, earthquakes, volcanoes. The dead rising from the grave. Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria.
And I don't even know what could happen if Barack Obama really is a closet Muslim! Would we see the wrath of the Biblical God or the God of the Qur'ran?
Once your head stops spinning, take a deep breath. Relax. Despite all the fear both campaigns have used in an attempt to get your vote, real chaos is unlikely.
And after watching the video below, I am 100 percent convinced Obama is not a Muslim:
So what can voters expect if (insert McCain or Obama) wins Tuesday's election? Here are the two scenarios, one for each candidate with a positive spin.
Bad Scenario One: McCain Wins Only To Die From A Heart Attack After He Mistakes A Visit From Charlie (Sheen) With The Vietcong
There is a lot on the Web about this scenario. But a Palin presidency may not be so bad. With a Democrat majority in Congress what could she possibly accomplish with her limited experience as Alaska's Go
vernor?She could put Bullwinkle in the oval office.
Once those God hating Democrats veto her first suggestion of Vice President Jesus Christ, she'll be sure to fire back with the same kind of VP pick that landed her in the oval office.
A fun loving character who just makes you laugh. Who better than Bullwinkle J. Moose?
The Democrats will be okay with it because they think they can make America hate VP Moose just like they hate VP Dick Cheney.
I know the two have clashed in the past, but Bullwinkle will let bygones be bygones to be vice president. He'll have such a great opportunity to fight for animal rights and isn't it time those animals had a voice in Washington?
The idea isn't that far-fetched of a Palin-Moose administration. Someone already beat me to the two as a dynamic duo:
There was one more perspective I found online of what could happen with a President Palin:
Personally, I like mine better.
Bad Scenario Two: Obama Wins And Turns The U.S.A To The U.S.S.A.
Well, first things first, I cannot be optimistic about an Obama victory leading
to us losing a Baldwin brother. But Socialism can't be that bad.We won't have to worry about picking our doctors, saving for retirement, choosing which banks we can borrow from or what school we want to go to. It'll all be controlled by the government!
Don't you sometimes worry about how much thinking we have to do? It can't be good.
It would be great to just sit back and let the government make all of our decisions. I just hope they can pick my religion too!
All everyone talks about is China this and China that. Look at those people. They don't have to think about anything expect work. That kind of focused thinking has to the ticket to get us out of this crisis.
I know the Chinese is a communist government, but you say tomato, is say tomauto (which doesn't work in print, but you know what I mean).
Does This All Sound Like A Stretch To You?
In case you are wondering if I have gone crazy, you can relax. This is what we like to call a bit of satire. The last journalist at Ohio University used such a device, and people flipped so I thought this disclosure would be necessary.
I would also like to clarify that the video I used in the third graph under the link "Barack Obama really is a closet Muslim" is a farce. I laughed when I watched the video in it's entirety. I respect that my audience would understand that, but I figured I should put this disclaimer just in case you're coming to this blog for the first time. Seriously, if you can't find at least some humor in how ridiculous that video is then maybe this isn't the blog for you.
But I think this is an appropriate post now, five days before the election, because people actually sound scared if the election doesn't go their way.
Remember, though this election is important, there is nothing to fear. The probability of a moose in the White House is the same as the probability of the world ending because Obama or McCain becomes president.
Breath a sigh of relief and don't take all of this so seriously. I would love to hear some other ideas of what you think could happen as a result of the winner's inauguration.
I'll be posting tomorrow why I am skeptical of McCain. And I'll have one more post at least before Tuesday.
On Tuesday I will be posting all day, so forget CNN. I'll have links to everything as it happens and will be reporting stories from various election related locations around Athens.
Until then, drink a beer and have a happy Halloween.
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